


Try to Change

by Bini_28



Series: The Most Important Person [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Stand Alone, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, they need to work things out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:14:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27668039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bini_28/pseuds/Bini_28
Summary: Yamaguchi didn't know what he should've expected. He and Tsukishima started dating a few weeks ago, little more than a month, but it didn't feel like anything changed. There were a few hugs and kisses here and there - only when they were alone in one of their bedrooms - and that one time they went out to a restaurant together, but mostly, everything stayed the same.Yamaguchi tries to work out the things that bother him about Tsukishima and their relationship
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: The Most Important Person [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1948648
Comments: 2
Kudos: 48





	Try to Change

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry I haven't posted in a while! I wrote this a couple of months ago as kind of a venting fic.  
> Reading the first two works in the series is recommended but its optional, it can be read as a stand alone.  
> Thanks for reading!

Yamaguchi didn't know what he should've expected. He and Tsukishima started dating a few weeks ago, little more than a month, but it didn't feel like anything changed. There were a few hugs and kisses here and there - only when they were alone in one of their bedrooms - and that one time they went out to a restaurant together, but mostly, everything stayed the same. The other members of the volleyball club didn't know about it, except for Suga; Yamaguchi felt the need to tell him about it, since Suga is the one who helped him to find the courage to confess to his crush, and Tsukishima agreed. He suspected Suga had also told Daichi, but as long as no one made a big deal out of it, he was fine.

Or was he? He was happy, of course. It wasn't long ago he realized he actually had feelings for Tsukishima, but it was nice to know they were mutual. Yamaguchi kept thinking every day of new ways to make Tsukishima happy, to show him his love, because he was really the best thing that happened in Yamaguchi's life, and putting the title "boyfriends" on their relationships filled him with warmth every time he thought about it. 

But everything was the same. Their interactions didn't change even a bit, especially when they were with other people. Maybe it's just the way their friendship was before - they didn't need a title to be so close to each other, they did everything together - but Yamaguchi felt like things should be different. Yes, they kissed a few times - and sometimes Yamaguchi found himself not listening in class because he was thinking about those times - but it just wasn't enough. 

Yamaguchi never was in a relationship before, so he didn't really know if it's the way things usually are, or is it a problem.  
He just wanted to be with Tsukishima, to spend all his free time with him, just enjoy each other's presence and maybe also cuddle and kiss, as he tells him how much he loves him. That was another thing. Since the day they got together, these words never came out of Tsukishima's mouth. Most of the time, Yamaguchi didn't need reassurance on how the other felt, but sometimes, he did have doubts. 

One day, he decided to tell Hinata about his situation. They met up after school to see that new, hella cool shop Hinata really wanted to visit (Kageyama and Tsukishima declined the invitation), and then just sat on a swingset in a playground, Hinata swinging dangerously high as they talked. 

"Tsukishima and I are dating," he said. "Just wanted to tell you." 

"Whaaattt?" Hinata almost fell off the swing. "I never realized! Is it like, a recent thing, or have you been since I know you? Because I haven't noticed a change in how you act!" 

Yamaguchi sighed. "That's the thing. We have been together since the training camp-" Hinata cut him off with a ton of questions. When exactly, how did it happen, does Tsukishima actually have emotions? "Hey hey, hold on a second. And can you stop swinging so high? You're giving me a headache." Hinata jumped off the swingset, miraculously landing off his feet.  
"Did you see this? I landed like WHOOSH!" 

Yamaguchi laughed. "You're scary sometimes. Anyway, We got together at the end of the training camp, on the way back, I... Finally got the courage to tell him, and later that day we decided to make it official. But... There's a problem. Like you said, there was no actual change"

"What do you want to change?" Hinata could be a good listener when he wanted to. 

"I don't know. I just think to myself... If we're a couple, shouldn't he, you know, actually act like he loves me?" 

"Do you remember who we're talking about? It's Tsukishima, you know better than I do that this guy is as emotional as a volleyball. No, actually, a volleyball HAS emotions, do you ever prepare to spike and you just KNOW the ball feels like he wants to be hit in a quick hit?" he would've started rambling about volleyball if Yamaguchi didn't reply. 

"I know this is Tsukki, but I know he has ways to show he cares and his own, weird specific way to compliment people that I can recognize."

"It's like Kageyama, he's never nice, but I can tell he appreciates me and sees my talent. He knows one day I will beat him in our races!" 

"But you and Kageyama aren't dating," Yamaguchi mentioned. 

"It's true." Hinata said. "But the point still stands. And if you don't like the way things are now, just tell him. Things won't change unless you work to change them, you know it. You can't be an ace if you don't work on your spiking, serving, blocking and receiving." Yamaguchi wasn't sure how the last metaphor was related, but he nodded. 

"I guess I kind of hoped things would change by themselves. I mean, we got together, it was a big change by itself."

"It's just you were both so couple-y before, an inseparable duo. Maybe things don't need to change." 

"Thanks, Hinata" Yamaguchi said because he didn't have anything else. He didn't like the current situation, and it needed to be changed. But Hinata was right, Tsukishima was Tsukishima. He was the smartest, calmest, most talented (and the most handsome) person Yamaguchi knew, but he was also the least emotional. Yamaguchi wondered many times if Tsukishima's feelings were actually as strong as his, and he hated thinking about it. 

"No problem! Oh, it's getting late, I have to go back home!" They said goodbye, Yamaguchi asked Hinata not to tell anyone else about the fact he was dating Tsukishima, and each went to his own house, Yamaguchi's mind stormed, thinking about what he had to say to Tsukishima.

The chance came only a few days later, When they went to Tsukishima’s home after school to study for a test. In these couple of days, Yamaguchi couldn’t focus on anything, except for when he was with Tsukishima. That was the thing, when they were apart, or with other people, he couldn't stop thinking about the problems in their relationship, what needed to be changed, but in the few times it was just them, he was just so glad they got the chance to be together, he ignored anything else.

But he couldn’t wait anymore. They were taking a little break from studying, sitting on Tsukishima’s bed, backs resting against the wall. Tsukishima went out for a minute to go to the toilet. Now’s the time, Yamaguchi thought, I had enough courage to tell him I love him, I should have no problem with confronting the problems of our relationship.

“Hey, Tsukki,” he said as the other walked back in the room. Tsukishima frowned at Yamaguchi’s serious expression, still standing in front of the bed. “Do you ever feel like… nothing has changed?”

“What do you mean? Was something supposed to change?” so Tsukishima didn’t realize there was even a problem. Yamaguchi’s stomach started aching from stress.

“I mean, we’re dating, and it’s been more than a month, I probably had a crush on you for years before I realized it and we got together, I feel like if we feel something so strong, and we put this title on our relationship, shouldn’t anything be different?”

“What do you want to be different?” Tsukishima’s expression didn’t change. That was the problem, Yamaguchi didn’t know what he DID want.

“I… I don’t really know, but, I mean, I love you, and you… love me,” Yamaguchi was hesitant before he said the last words, and didn’t look at Tsukishima to see his reaction. “So if we both love each other, shouldn’t we show it? I mean, not necessarily to the whole club or our class or our friends, but to each other. We walk to school and we study together and we go to that Dinosaur museum you like, but nothing actually changed! I decided to tell you what I feel in hope it will open something new in our relationship, but everything stayed exactly the same.”

“But that’s me, that’s the things I do, If you wanted something else, then you probably started dating the wrong person.” Tsukishima’s voice was cold, and Yamaguchi felt his throat tighten. No, he thought, hold the tears, at least manage to answer him properly before you allow yourself to let out a sob.

“No Tsukki, I want to date you and only you. I love everything about you, you’re amazing! your talent, your intelligence, your hard work, your bluntness, your kindness.” he did speak the whole sentence without stuttering, but his eyes did get teary.

“Hard Work? Kindness? Yamaguchi, you have built an idealized version of me in your head. I don’t know how you see me, but you expect me to act like someone I’m not.” Tsukishima looked directly at him, and Yamaguchi felt ashamed. Ashamed he broke into tears so easily, and ashamed everything Tsukishima said was true. He put Tsukishima on a very high pedestal, he really thought of him as perfect, and overlooked every fault in his personality, and when he thought about it, there were many - Tsukishima was cold, and very often mean, he could be arrogant, and was often brutally honest to the point it hurt, but Yamaguchi just found ways to overlook these traits, or find a positive way to hide the fact that sometimes Tsukishima was simply annoying. He never showed any emotion or proper care, but Yamaguchi made himself believe his half-assed ways of acknowledging Yamaguchi’s strengths were shows of love or care.

He felt betrayed, not sure if by Tsukishima or by his own mind. Tsukishima hasn’t done anything wrong, it was just the kind of person he was, and Yamaguchi knew him very well. He knew all his faults, but he was too fascinated by Tsukishima’s overall confidence and “cool” image, and later too in love to ever notice these traits and how bad they were. Of course, he had been hurt by Tsukishima before - there were times when he was too mean, didn’t appreciate every time Yamaguchi dedicated everything he had to offer for him.

But he also had so many positive traits, even now Yamaguchi had a hard time being completely mad at him. He was everything for Yamaguchi for years, he inspired him to get better and motivated him to keep growing and stand up for himself, he was Yamaguchi’s safe ground, he amazed him every day, whether it was with a strong block in practice, a clever answer in class, or just a look at his direction.

This time, Yamaguchi was replying in an already shaky voice. “I… I know you have your faults, I know I overlook them, but it’s because I believe there are even more good things!” because if I start looking at the bad things, I might stop loving you, and lose the best friend I ever had, my boyfriend and the best thing in my life. He didn’t say the last part, but the thought echoed in his mind.

“Stop crying.” Tsukishima said, without any attempt to sound comforting. “I want to be in a relationship with you, but I don’t want you to expect me to be someone I’m not. That’s another thing that didn’t change when we started dating. You always had that idolized version of me, I noticed that."

“But did you notice that I would do absolutely anything for you? Did you notice every time I made an effort to make you happy, to help you where things got hard? I don’t think you realize how much I was giving all these years, all the care and all the love I had, and I dedicated it all to you!” Yamaguchi was full on crying now, slightly raising his voice so he could speak above the tears. 

“I did notice, I did appreciate it. I never knew how to react, but I knew that I shouldn’t let you keep developing that idolized version of me. Yamaguchi, I know you care about me, but you should also care about other things!” Tsukishima didn’t made any effort to be kind, he was simply honest, and Yamaguchi knew everything he was saying was true, but he couldn’t imagine his life without constantly caring about Tsukishima, without suggesting they meet up after school at least once a week, without asking him how he’s doing and doing his best to cheer him up if anything was wrong. Maybe it wasn’t a healthy attitude, maybe it did harm him more than help him, but what could he do about it? He couldn't just stop caring about Tsukishima, he didn’t want to. Even though he wasn’t as lonely as he was when they became friends, they never grew apart, and Yamaguchi didn’t want to imagine a situation where they did.

“If you didn’t want me to care about you like that, why did you agree to date me?” Yamaguchi now stood up too, even though he was shaking. He felt too weak, arguing while sitting on the bed and the tall Tsukiyama in front of him, towering. The thing he wanted the most is to run back to his own house and shut himself in his room and cry and not talk to Tsukishima. He shouldn’t have brought it up.

“Because I wanted to, idiot. You make me happy. You just need to get a hold on yourself. The title shouldn’t change anything in our relationship, because it was good enough before. Of course we need to improve, nothing can just be perfect on the first try, and I can try to improve, as long as I know you can too.” Tsukishima grabbed Yamaguchi’s shoulder. “I tried to run away from caring about things because I don’t want to get attached and get hurt. You are the opposite - you get too attached. We can’t keep going like this.” Yamaguchi’s heart sank. Is he going to break up with him? It’s not like Yamaguchi didn’t think about it before. Every time Tsukishima was mad at him this month, he thought to himself, what if it means he’s tired of him and doesn’t want it anymore?

“So look at me, Yamaguchi.” Yamaguchi looked at him. The short blond hair, the glasses. This wasn’t the situation to think about how good looking he is, but the thought crossed Yamaguchi's mind anyway. “We can work it out. I will try to show you how much I appreciate it every time you text me, every time you encourage me. But you should stop trying so hard.”

“But I love you, and I want to show it!” Yamaguchi protested.

“I know, but what I meant is that you should stop sometimes, think about me, like, really think. Try to figure out your feelings in a more sensible way, be aware of the fact I can be a huge ass, and in turn, I will work on that.” 

Yamaguchi pretty much fell on Tsukishima with a hug. He wanted to feel him close, to think about the words he said, the hope he gave him. “You’re all teary and your nose is running, get a tissue first- wait, there’s a box over there.” Tsukishima reached towards the tissue and handed one to Yamaguchi, who wiped his nose loudly.  
“Better now?” Yamaguchi said, smiling but still tearing up. Tsukishima nodded and let him hug him again, and even Hugged back. They stayed like this for a minute. Yamaguchi closed his eyes and replayed the conversation in his head. He felt he was overdramatic with the tears and all, but everything he said was true and honest, and so was Tsukishima. He knew everything was easier said than done, he couldn’t just stop idolizing Tsukishima by command, and Tsukishima couldn't just become instantly loving and caring, but they can do it together.

He looked up, and the look on Tsukishima’s face was one he never saw before. It was much softer, more gentle than ever, like he was seeing Yamaguchi in a different light. “Why are you looking at me like that?” Yamaguchi asked.

“I’m just happy we talked about it, of course, it’s not that simple, it will be much harder than, for example, learning how to do a jump float serve, but if we do it together, we can do it. “ Tsukishima smiled, differently from his usual smirk.

“So far you’re doing a great job on being less on an asshole and showing you care”

“Shut up, Yamaguchi!”

“Sorry Tsukki,” He replied automatically, it was almost an instinct at this point, but then he smiled even wider than Tsukishima did. “But you should try and make me”. It was a cliche, but he wanted to see how Tsukishima would respond. He reacted just like Yamaguchi hoped he would, and when they kissed, he thought to himself that maybe things are already on the right way to be better.


End file.
